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Divorce Advice-Orlando Counseling 5 simple things to avoid

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Receiving divorce advice through Orlando counseling is quite common and extremely beneficial. Divorce is often a painful and emotional process that not only leaves scars on the couples separating, but also on the children who are involved. When a new partner enters the picture, that can also be a time of stress for children and new spouses. Do Divorce Better can help these transitions go more smoothly and provide divorce advice to the family on different ways to minimize emotional trauma for the children and how to co-parental and step-parent effectively. Becoming a step parent can be one of the hardest challenges a person may ever have to face. Falling in love with your new spouse is the easy part. Finding ways to positively embrace your new role might present issues.

Divorce Advice-Orlando Counseling
5 things to avoid doing as a new spouse with step children

Divorce advice offered by friends and family can often be challenging because there is not a level of objectivity. Naturally your loved ones want the best for you. When you become a new step-parent or spouse to a divorced person that means you adopt someone else’s past issues too. It might mean that you will be hearing stories or dealing with emotional conflicts that still exist between your new spouse and their ex.

  1. Do not engage in battles for your current partner on their behalf. Even if you think your partner is in the right, do your best to stay out of their past divorce issues.

    As the new partner, spouse, or step-parent, it can be very tempting and easy to quickly want to jump on your current partners side. When you hear your spouse venting about an issue they may have to deal with, your first instinct might be to defend your partners case. Be careful to remember that there are always two sides to every coin.

  2. Do not expect all the affairs from their divorce to have been resolved before you entered the picture.

    Research indicates that it takes approximately 5 years after a divorce to fully recover from financial and emotional trauma! Your partner and their ex may still hold property together, have joint debt, or shared expenses. You should not be tempted to put up a fight over those things. If they had a lengthy marriage, you can expect that there is much more history between them than you know. Unraveling that history can take a while and has little to do with you. Furthermore, don’t make the mistake of drafting emails or sending texts on your new partners behalf or doing legwork for your partner that they need to be doing for themselves.

  3. Do not fall victim to believing all of the awful things your new partner says about their ex or immediately assume that they are in the right.

    If your partner appears to still get highly charged with emotional reactions or continues to talk negatively as if events from the past are still occurring to them, pay attention to that. You could be dealing with someone that hasn’t fully let go or might be incapable of resolving conflict peacefully. This might be an indication of how they might react to you if something went wrong in your relationship. Its hard to imagine, but important to remember that your partner made a choice at one point to marry, love, and even procreate with their ex. Oftentimes when people have been hurt their first resort is anger. If you see your partner is often angry over current or past circumstances, they may still be hurting over what happened.

  4. Do not talk negatively in front of your step-children about your spouse’s ex or make passive aggressive comments.

    Your best way to earn respect from your step children is to show them kindness and understanding. Your new role in their lives is to be a mentor and a role model. Do not try to undermine or circumvent the role of either biological parent. Speaking negatively or making passive aggressive comments (such as, “Oh, you know how your mom can be”) to your step children will only foster anxiety and self doubt within them. They might grow to distrust you and learn to keep you at a distance. The greatest way for you to play a role in helping foster a healthy relationship is by forming a healthy relationship with their biological parent. If you can not support a positive co-parenting relationship, you need to get co-parenting advice or Orlando counseling to learn how you can be supportive to your new family dynamics.

  5. Do not try to automatically assume the role of a biological parent if your step-children already have active parents.

    Your step children’s biological parent does not just disappear or stop being a parent when the children are not with them. Those children deserve to feel they have full-support and unconditional love from all the adults, even if you completely disagree with everything their other parent stands for. If you have an opinion or disagree with something, approach those topics privately with your spouse. You need to do your best to always help foster a healthy co-parenting relationship with your spouse and their ex. Don’t forget that your spouse’s ex will be sharing time with those kids too and you would want them to be fostering a healthy relationship for you also.

Navigating the waters of any new relationship can be tricky and getting Orlando counseling for divorce advice can help you see things from a healthier perspective. It can give you insight into the ways you can be more supportive to your spouse and their children. The harsh reality is that when you become involved with someone who has been divorced or has children from a prior relationship, then that past becomes a part of your new life too. It is perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed, angry, or resentful at times and reaching out for help and divorce advice can be a great way to process your emotions. Orlando counseling for divorce advice can help you come up with a plan to move forward peacefully in your new role.

Heather Oller

Heather Oller is a licensed mental health professional with a Masters degree in counseling and psychology. She is an expert therapist at Orlando Thrive Therapy, Counseling & Conflict Resolution and is a Florida certified family court mediator. She is also a qualified Parent Coordinator. She specializes in conflict resolution and alternative dispute resolution.

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