If you have ever started a giant crossword puzzle, then you know the overwhelming feeling of wondering how you can ever put that many pieces together. Once you start reading the clues, however, some things just start to naturally fall in place. The same can happen when you start putting your divorce together.
When you start working on a crossword puzzle, there are often words that you cannot think of no matter how hard you try. These problems are very similar to hurdles that must be overcome for the divorce to be finalized. Sometimes, it may be what to do with the house. Other times, it may be how to split up time spent with children. In some circumstances, it may be if a spouse deserves alimony. While you and your spouse may come up with many ideas, there may seem to be no right answer.
When you are solving the crossword puzzle, you may discover that the right word suddenly comes to you while driving in rush time traffic, while watching your kid’s ballgame or even in the middle of the night. It’s funny how while you are concentrating on another activity the answer suddenly appears.
Now, you may be tempted to argue that real-life problems have nothing to do with solving crossword puzzles because you simply cannot stop your mind from thinking about them. However, the answer is that you have control over what your mind concentrates on. Consider your brain to be like a big bird’s nest. The eggs in the nest are like the solutions to the problem. The current conflict is like a vulture flying over the eggs trying to steal them. Each time that you find yourself thinking about the problem, then picture yourself as an angry parent bird protecting the nest by chasing away the vulture. You may not be able to control the vulture’s behavior, but you can control what you allow to land in the nest, which is your brain. If you will practice this technique, soon you will find a workable solution to the current problem because it will magically appear to you as you go about your normal routine.
Arriving at workable solutions during a divorce is like working a crossword puzzle in another important way. It is always recommended by experts that you work puzzles in pencil because you can erase answers. You may be convinced that you know the right answer to a word in the puzzle, but you realize that nothing else fits when you use that word. Exasperatingly, you erase the word and start filling in the other answers. Suddenly, you realize that the word that you were so convinced was right was wrong.
The same thing can happen when you get divorce help. Working with a divorce mediator like those found at Do Divorce Better allows you to get divorce help to realize when the first solution was wrong. Call them today at (407) 704-6061.
Heather Oller is a licensed mental health professional with a Masters degree in counseling and psychology. She is an expert therapist at Orlando Thrive Therapy, Counseling & Conflict Resolution and is a Florida certified family court mediator. She is also a qualified Parent Coordinator. She specializes in conflict resolution and alternative dispute resolution.Schedule Your Consultation